My rude awakening

There are few things I get excited about this holiday season. One, there's the work bonus that I'll be receiving in the coming days, and two, there's the holiday tour I'll be having with my friends. (giddy, giddy up!)

But on the other end of the table, there's also that one thing that I fret about -- the annual work review. I'm not worried because I've performed bad this year, but I'm worried that I don't know what to put on my own evaluation again. Yes, again. I've had the same problem last year. Because, honestly, for four years I've worked here, my job specs has not changed. There were some added task, but as always, I believe I've delivered exceptionally well.

Sounds cocky? Not really. I just thought that for the last four years in this company, I've already master the art of efficiency ---That even my co-workers wonder how I get to be very organized and spot-on with my work.

My answer is simple. If you do a crossword puzzle everyday in four years, wouldn't you think that you could be an expert puzzle solver over the four years? Same goes with a meadow maze. If you visit and walk through it everyday, in four years you'll definitely figure out how to get out of it in no time. And that's exactly what has happened to me. I watched. I learned. I conquered.

So now my big question is what would I write on my review sheet --"what in my job needs improvement?" or "how do I make my work better?"...Better? How can you make something perfect already to even better?

When I met up with my boss last Friday for the review, she was wondering why I put the word "better" on the performance review sheet, and what do I meant by "better". Because even she was also convinced that I was doing great with my job already. So her question left me reeling for hard answers. Then after forty-five minutes chatting and exchanging our views, opinions and situation about my work, we were able to disect and botch the word "better" to come up with an appropriate description for my work. As it turned out, I wasn't really perfect after all.

I found flaws in my work. She helped me realized that my filing wasn't efficient enough as I believed to be, because she had some difficult time looking for files she needed. My shipping and purchasing as well, was not cost-savings as I thought of. And in the end, we were able to find some objectives that needed to be accomplished next year for my work to really be "better"...And so the perfect job performance that I thought it was, was actually overrated by myself.

Is it true to say that there's really no perfect world; no perfect worker;no perfect partner; no perfect life..? That those who use the word "perfect" is trying to be in denial? Or optimistic? Or unrealistic?...Because if you come to think of it -- if this world is perfect to begin with, then we wouldn't have to work hard to make all things right. Right?

My workstation before 9AM and after 5PM..."Show me your workstation, and I'll tell you who you are"

A place that reminds me of Happiness

I've been feeling terribly disheartened these past few days. And the only way I know how to cope is to remember happy memories...

So while I was unearthing old stuff, I found these wonderful photos.

Four years ago, I was brought to this place. Not by my own will, but my heart lead me.... A place I call -- The city of my many happy thoughts.

I wish I can re-live this moment, and feel special again...

Mother's Touch

It's flu season again. Last week, I felt the symptoms. And eventually that weekend, I found myself in bed and nursing a flu... Having learned independence for long, I know I can deal with this seasonal flu just like before. But one phone call from my mom has made my flu-weekend different.

My mom is in town for a few months holiday, and she stays at my sister's. Her vacation is an extra special occasion to us. It's a once in every year or two that she visits us. So inspite of our hectic life we ensure that her presence be valued everyday. And since I live far from my sister's and don't get to be with my mom this whole time, I always call her from work in the morning. So when I've received a call from her that day I'm terribly ill, I'm so surprised. I wonder how she sense that I'm sick. Then I've realized that her razor-sharp maternal instinct hasn't changed a bit through all these years.

As promised, she came by with my sister the following Sunday morning. As soon as she walked in the door, she prepared soup for me; extracted some lemonade juice; and, tidied up my messy kitchen while we were busy chatting. And all I did was slumped on the chair and watched her incessantly as she was juggling around the kitchen. I was sentimental. It seemed like ages since I last felt this kind of motherly care from her. Although I knew I could take care of these things, I let her be in-charge of my life that weekend. And for a rare moment, I let myself feel like a little girl again...

This is what my mom loves most --taking care of her loved ones, including friends and relatives close to her. In a few weeks she'll be turning 67, but her maternal touch has never wavered through all these years. That same utmost caringness she had when her three daughters were 7, 12, 16, 21 and 25 years old is still and remain unaltered; Very much same as how it was many years ago.

When I was living with my family, I recalled how my cousins, my aunts and even her friends would come to her and seek maternal attention. And she would spare them that same care that she gave to her family unconditionally.

I remember asking her one time, "Who do you think among your daughters will be like you when they become mothers?", and she said, "No one." I just grin and look at her, because she doesn't know that one of her girls has been closely watching her while growing up, and slowly inheriting her motherly qualities.